My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
