so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
