I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
