so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
