I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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