so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
