She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
