Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
