Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
