It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
