life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
