All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
