No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
