I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
