How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
