Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
