Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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