i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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