and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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