wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
