She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
