you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
