I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
