We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
