Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
