I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
