if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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