Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
How's work?
Spinning.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
