So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
