I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
