Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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