Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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