Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
