I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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