i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
