Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
