Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
