He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
