My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
