If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
that may or may not have been my penis.
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