i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
