Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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