Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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