I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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