your parents love me but you hate me
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
