all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
