Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
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