who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
