I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
