Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
