I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Houston, we have a squirter
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
