if only i could text you this smell
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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