oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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